Little Red Riding Hood is getting ready to visit her grandmother in the forest when her mother says, "You shouldn't be out tonight, Little Red Riding Hood, because the Big Bad Wolf is out and you know what he'll do....... he'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off." Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a big ol' shotgun a

One day Little Susie got her monthly period for the first time in her life. Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening. Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls

There was this guy who was a new arrival at this logging camp in the wilds of British Columbia, Canada. After a couple of weeks he decides to go into the only town within a hundred miles and have a few beers at the local pub. After three or four beers, he asked the bartender about the availability of some "ladies of the evening." The bartender told him that he hadn't seen a woman in th

One day the lone ranger is out Riding the rage on his horse, silver. Silver was an incredibly smart horse. However later that day they were ambushed by Indians. Bound and helpless the Indian Chief walked up and spoke to the lone ranger: "YOu very brave, so before we kill you,we give you 3 wishes, one a day for 3 days, when done, you Die. You make first wish. The Lone ranger considers

The Lone Ranger was captured by a bunch of outlaws and they tied him up and were just about ready to hang him from a tree, when he was able to persuade the outlaws to grant him one last request. The outlaws agreed and the Lone Ranger whispered something into his horse, Silver's ear, and the horse took off across the prairie. In an hour Silver was back with an attractive and buxom b

Introduction: This is just the beginning of what I have, but right now this is all i can be bothered to write........ A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your

Introduction: You know the drill, comment, rate, and give me your favourite jokes if you'd like to see them in a new 'Reader Favourite' post..... This guy walks into the bar and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on a bar stool all alone. So the guy sits down next to her and pulls a small box from his pocket. He opens it and there's a frog inside. The blonde says

Introduction: The more you rate/comment me, the more jokes I'll write...... They ratings/comments don't have to be good, I just want an opinion...... John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hal

Introduction: As always your comments, ratings, and jokes are greatly appreciated Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she wen

Introduction: Check out my profile for other jokes, ratings and comments appreciated Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! That’s not h

Introduction: You know the drill, comment, rate, and give me your favourite jokes if you'd like to see them in a new 'Reader Favourite' post..... A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitc

Introduction: To all you douchbags out there who tell me to post this in the jokes section........ Guess what?!!! XNXX has made THIS the jokes section you idiots!! Late at night this guy runs into a pub and demands a glass of water from the landlord. The guy drinks it in one gulp then asks for a second glass. Six pints later, and he has recovered enough to s

Introduction: As always your comments, ratings, and jokes are greatly appreciated Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you

Introduction: Check out my profile for other jokes, ratings and comments appreciated A man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her she wanted him to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect is said Wendy and when it was limp if said Wy. They got married and went to Jamaica to a nude beach

Introduction: The more you rate/comment me, the more jokes I'll write...... They ratings/comments don't have to be good, I just want an opinion...... It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole fam

Christmas Eve A man is about to jump off London Bridge when he hears a voice behind him. It's Santa Claus. "Why do this? It's Christmas Eve?" Santa says. "Because I've lost my job, " the man answered, " my wife has left me, and I have no presents for the kids." "Ah, I can grant you 3 wishes, " replied Santa, "So when you get up tomorrow your job will be there, your wife will be waiti

Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research. It is believed that by the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections, who can't remember what to do with them. Read 33489 times | Rated 52.8 % |

A man comes into his bedroom one evening with a sheep under his arm and says to his wife, "Look darling, this is the pig I have to sleep with whenever you hace a headache." His wife replies, "I think if you'll look closely, you'll find it's a sheep." To which he retorts, "I think if YOU look closely, you'll find I was TALKING to the sheep..." That is the end of the joke but apparently

After cutting off her husband's penis, Lorena Bobbitt was at a loss as to what to do with it. So, she decided to go for a drive in the countryside looking for the perfect spot to ditch it. As she was driving around, she got very nervous having a large, cut off, penis in her purse, so instead of stopping, she heaved it out of her car. Behind her car was a pickup truck with two guys ridi

A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. I'd like some raisin bread please, the man says

Q: What do eating pussy and dealing with the mafia have in common? A: One slip of the tounge and you're in deep shit!! Read 25812 times | Rated 50.3 % | (374 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

One day a lady goes to her doctor and asks her how to get her husband to sleep with her more. The doctor leaves the room then returns with a little bottle and says, "Put one pill into his coffee everyday, the results are instant." The lady goes home and puts one into his coffee right away, and that night she got a little feel from her husband but nothing more. Disappointed, the next da

A boy and his dad go to the beach and there is a couple making out, so the boy asks his father what they are doing. His dad replies, "They're making a cake." The boy says, "Oh." The next day they go to the zoo and there are two monkeys getting it on and a the boy asks his dad, "What are they doing?" His dad replies, "They're baking a cake." So they go home and the next day, the boy say

a man walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash and sits down to have a beer....after a few beers he realises he is out of money....so he stands up and says,"i bet anyone 500 dollars that i can put my dick in this gators mouth and close his mouth and then hit him in the head and my dick will be un marked when i pull it out"...so a man throws a 500 dollars down to see this....so the

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.Finally, he realized his solution. On his way h

A man was trying to show his son how to fly a kite, but he could not get it to stay in flight. Observing the problem, his wife yelled out the window, "Honey, you need more tale." He yells back, "Yeah, right, last night you told me to go fly a kite." Read 32947 times | Rated 47.4 % | (186 votes)

Introduction: Not everything is as it seems MAN OF YOUR DREAMS RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITHTHE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON'T BEAT ME UP 2. WON'T RUN AWAY 3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the cha

A man with a 12 inch penis who practices autofellatio is prone to putting a foot in his mouth. Read 26000 times | Rated 48.5 % | (190 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

A man fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra. Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him

A Marine pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special abo

A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked i

Introduction: just for fun Marriage - Part I Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go huntin

* Hairy palms, not cluster bombs * War's not kind, beat yourself blind * Cream your khakis, not Iraqis. * Peace is spiffy, stroke your stiffy * Don't send the fleet, just beat your meat * War is shit, rub your clit * Side with France, reach down your pants * Peace is the issue. Use a tissue. * War is

Introduction: A fantasy i should have followed through with when my ex came to get her belongings The stupid bitch buzzes on the intercom, she's here to collect the rest of her clothes. Little back dresses and see through tops, always putting on a show for everyone yet never fucking me, no wonder i had to kick her to the curb. it had been 3 weeks since i saw

Do you like mathematics? If you do, then stand up, subtract your clothing, add a bed, divide your legs and let's multiply! Read 38233 times | Rated 49.3 % | (255 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lu

The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn't sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, "Compared to what?" She held up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm bigger than that." Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm bigger than that." Th

One day, a woman went to the doctor's office and said, "My husband isn't doing very well in bed." The doctor handed her a bottle and said, "Give him one pill every night and see how things go." That night, she gave him one pill and had sex. The next morning, she woke up and said, "That was good. I'll try two pills tonight." The next morning, she said, "That was great! I'll try three pi

In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a car, with his hands at 10 and 2. The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Can't talk right now.... I'm driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he suddenly stops drivi

MEN SWAPPING WIVES Ted, Jim and their wives took an out of town weekend trip to a bed and breakfast on the outskirts of town. Earlier the two gents agreed to try to talk their spouses into a night of wife swapping. A couple of drinks before dinner and the ladies agreed to go along with the adventure. Ted chuckled to himself knowing that his wife had started her period a couple of d

A Rich man wanted to marry. three girls offered to marry him. Man tested them giving them a 1000 bucks each to spend. first bought a new dress and said that she wanted to look for him. second got him few shirts,ties and perfumes and said she wanted him to look good. third gal invested the money in market,got profit and returned the original amount,saying that she saved the rest for th

What does Michael Jackson and Burger King have in common? Ans: They both stick meat into 6 year old buns! Read 35364 times | Rated 44.2 % | (226 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

There was a gentleman living in a small village who had a stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of a nursing mother. Well, there weren't too many women in the village nursing babies and even fewer who would agree to allow a grown man to suck on their breast. But low and behold, the poor man finally found a rather buxom young girl who had recently given birth and was will

A man went to a bar and picked up a beautiful blond woman. They went back to his apartment and had hours and hours of sex. Afterwords, the man went to the kitchen to get something to drink. He poured himself a glass of milk and then realized that his dick was still hard. Suddenly, he had an idea of how to cool himself off. He stuck his dick inside the glass of milk. The blond walked in

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Ans: When she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat. Read 35865 times | Rated 49 % | (197 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Billy's mom told Billy to take a shower. "Will you go with me he asked" "Okay but just dont look up or look down" she replied. Billy looked up "mommy what are those." "These are my coconuts" Bill looked down "mommy what are those." "This is my jungle." she replied. Bill got out of the shower and his dad came. "Billy go take a shower." he told him. "Okay, but will you go with me." "Sure

Introduction: seXxxxx Hii guyss everyone dis is a real storyy about my MOM.. I belongs to a asian family . My dad has been expired and me and my mom is alone frm last 6months.so after my dad's death we shifted to u.k. England.we used to live on rent house one bedroom as we was not having much money . Few months passed ..and suddenly my mom lost her job she wa

a little boy went off to camp for the first time ever.the first nite there it started to thunder and lightning,so the the little boy ran into the sexy counslers tent.. boy: i am scared can i sleep with u woman: no its not right boy: but mom says its ok woman: fine so the boy crawls over and lays beside her boy: can i play in your bellybutton,it will calm me down woman: NO! boy: but mom

A man walked into a bar one day and spotted a large jar of money sitting on the counter. After sitting at the bar for about an hour and getting thoroughly drunk the man asked the bartender why the large jar of money was placed there. The bartender said that he would give the jar of money to any one who would do three favors for him. He pointed to a large fellow seated at the end of the