Introduction: Lesbian kids...I dont think so! A lesbian dressed as a man and went on a blind date. On the next couple of weeks,the blind date couple dated then decited to marry,the one not knowing she was dating a lesbian. So they married and they had a good couple years,the lesbian faking it for a good sex life,the other not knowing it. One day after some gr

Introduction: Think it's easy? THINK AGAIN! I mean don't feel that bad if you don't get a perfect score, just cause every other guy knows how to use a urinal and you don't.......... *cough* Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge! Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)... women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the r

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw me

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other ? Ill see you next month. Read 41289 times | Rated 41 % | (843 votes) Vote list (Close) :Online_Insomniac : POSITIVEMasqueradePrince : NEGATIVE

A ventriloquist was on vacation, driving through the desert southwest. As he was driving, he noticed an adobe hut, with an Indian sitting on the front porch. There was also a horse next to the hut. The ventriloquist thought to himself, "I think I'll have a little fun with this guy." He pulled over and walked up to the Indian and said, "Can I talk to your horse?" The Indian looked p

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails","highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiff

Introduction: In the pharmacy. A 96 year old man goes into the chemist and asks for 9 viagra tablets, adding he wants them cut into quarters. The pharmacist says "Certainly sir but i have to tell you that a quarter of a tablet will not be enough to give you an erection." The man looks at him smiles and says "Young man I am 96 i have no need for an erection,

Introduction: a girl makes a big mistake at work A man who ran a convience store hired a young girl in her early 20's. She seemed well qualified but he just didn't seem to trust her. That night he left her to do the all night shift by herself. He didn't feel right about it but he knew he could check the security tapes in the morning. The next morning he came

Virgin Trucker A trucker was driving down the road when he saw two men standing there trying to hitch a ride. They looked okay and the trucker was an reasonable guy, so he picked them up. Later on down the road they stared talking and the trucker could tell that these two men were gay. The gay guy on the the right lets loose with a large, silent fart. A few minutes later, the other g

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot!

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ANSI does it in the standard way ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures.

There was this woman who didn't have a man and so she didn't had sex in months. So she went to this voodoo woman and explained her problem, she said " miss I can't tell you the last time i had sex i need your help please can you help me?" so the voodoo woman gave her a voodoo cock and told her that when she wants to use it just say, " voodoo cock my pussy". The woman then ran home in

A business mans company tell him that he will have to take a long business trip to japan to clinch an important deal. Unfortunately his wife is known for cheating on him when he goes away. He loves her still but everytime she does it it breaks his heart and this trip will be the longest he has been on. He also knows that she tries hard not to cheat and has done less and less. Having gi

A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asked. "About as hard as my dick," he replies. To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!" Read 32380 times | Rated 49 % | (175 votes) Vote list (Close)

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast.

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you

One dark stormy night a boy walked into his parents room, scared. "Mummy! Daddy! Its scary in my room!" He screamed " Its ok hun, come into bed with us" His parents said back to him. The boy smiled and jump into his parents bed, after a while he woke up again by the lightning and found something. " MUMMY! Whats THAT?!" He Screamed again. Mummies eyes widened. "Thats Daddys sn-snake" sh

What's Your Poison? Once there lived a mother who had two sons who were very young. The mother only gave milk to one son and neglected the other son. The milkless son decided to apply poison on his mother's breast so that the other son would get killed. When he woke up the next morning he found that his father had died. Read 46736 times |

Two black girls are walking along, one says to the other," how old is you?" younger one says,"i dunno."....Older says, "What's yo favorite thing?".....younger says, "watermellon." Older says, "you is 10" Black lady walks into a pharmacy and looks perplexed as she peruses all of the choices on the feminine product isle. A young employee comes over to see if he can help.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to t

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem. In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself". That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to h

Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sappling. The tall tree says "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste

Back to the DIRTY JOKES homepage Back to SEX JOKES > What Do You Call... Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? A. Fucks Funny! Read 32942 times | Rated 47.9 % | (226 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this t

What is in a mans pants is close to 7 inches long has a HEAD and women love to Blow this.....?

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of li

Do you know what they do with the foreskin after a circumcision? Ans: They sell them to gay men for chewing gum. Read 33410 times | Rated 45.6 % | (162 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your

What does a Kodak camera and condom have in common? Ans: They always catch those special moments. Read 31271 times | Rated 47.5 % | (185 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 commen

What does an Old Lady Taste like? Ans: Depends!!!!! Read 32793 times | Rated 47.5 % | (155 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

What does a computer accept that a women doesn't? Ans: A three and a half inch floppy. Read 30858 times | Rated 47.6 % | (139 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Introduction: i am 9 years old once there was a boy who had to do a proget and he what the fuck this is so boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Introduction: just to let you know this is a two person joke. Its good because like a knock knock joe the other person doesn't know it's coming. What type of Nut are These?1st person What do you call a nut on a pea? 2nd Person I don't know? 1st Person A Peanut [u]1st person again[/u] What do you call a nut on a Wall? 2nd person (says either) I don't know? OR

WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............. 1. They have absolutely no idea where their purse is.  2. They believe that dancing with their arms overhead and wiggling their butt while yelling 'woo-hoo!' is truly the sexiest dance move around. 3. They've suddenly decided that they want to kick someone's butt and honestly believe

How can you tell when your girlfriend is too fat? When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo. Read 34302 times | Rated 49 % | (260 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

How can you tell which is the head nurse? Ans: The one with the dirty knees. Read 32229 times | Rated 48.9 % | (150 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Natura

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite on the romantic island of Jamaica. After unpacking, the husband abruptly took off his pants. "Put these on," he said to his wife. She did, and they were nearly twice her size. "There's no way I can wear these. They're too big," she said." "Good, now you know who wears the pants in the family." Flustered, the wife takes

Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat...... He says, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, "Here - try these on." She did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them." I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this fam

A 20 year old girl and 20 year old guy were engaging into foreplay. The girl proceeded to pull out his penis and stroke it till it got hard. As soon as the guy goes to put on the condom his penis starts to go down. "No problem, I'll get it back up again" says the girl. So she strokes his penis again until it got rock hard but as soon as he started to put on the condom, he got soft agai

Why do dogs lick their penises? Ans: Because they can't make fists. Read 34490 times | Rated 45.2 % | (202 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Do you know why God created man? Ans: Because She knew her vibrator wouldn't take out the garbage. Read 33639 times | Rated 50.8 % | (143 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comme

Why are hurricanes normally named after women? Ans: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. Read 60951 times | Rated 49 % | (1423 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate th

Why did I cross the road? Ans: Because my dick was in the chicken. Read 31889 times | Rated 46 % | (169 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance? Ans: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving. Read 31566 times | Rated 49.8 % | (156 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance? Ans: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving. Read 31833 times | Rated 49.1 % | (143 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

Why did the snowman pull his pants down? Ans: Because the snow blower was coming by. Read 34837 times | Rated 48.4 % | (251 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Why don't women blink during foreplay? Ans: They don't have time. Read 34220 times | Rated 46.6 % | (182 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Why do women fake orgasm? Ans: Because men fake foreplay. Read 35590 times | Rated 49.5 % | (216 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

A wife answers the door bell and a man asks her, "Lady, do you have a vagina?" and she slams the door shut. The next day the wife answers the door bell and its the same guy and he asks her, "Lady, do you have a vagina?" and she slams the door shut. The woman tells her husband about the guy and he says he will stay home from work the next day and this time she should tell the man s