A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday they decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake while the woman got a skunk. As they are passing through airport control they notice a sign which says "NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH QUARANTINE" Slightly distressed the woman turns to her husband and asks what they should do. After thinking hard for 5 minu

Introduction: Quickies. Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. "Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour." As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: "Gorgonzola" "Wait!!, it is not on yet. =================================================================================== Tw

Introduction: Idk what im doing..I just got bored.. Two parents had taken their 8 year old Tommy to a nude beach, He came running "Mommy Mommy I saw a woman with bigger boobies then yours!!" She smirked " The bigger they are the dumber the woman is." So he went back roaming around. He came back "Daddy Daddy I saw a man with a longer penis than yours!!" He chu

A lady named Cindy works at a tickle me elmo factory, one day her boss hears she is majorly behind schedule and the toys are piling up the side of the conveyer belt. He decides to personaly handle it. He gos to that part of the building and sure enough there Cindy is, inbetween mountians of tickle me elmos. He noticed she was glueing two cotton balls to the upper thigh of it. The boss

YOU ALL KNOW THE BASIC 69 POSITION, WELL SINCE THE ECONOMY IS GOING TO HELL, THE 69 POSITON IS BEING REPLACED BY THE 96, BECAUSE THE COST OF EATING IS ON THE RISE :) Read 22299 times | Rated 45.2 % | (208 votes) Vote list (Close) :

REDNECK POETRY CONTEST The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists-a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was: "Timbuktu." First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said: "

A redneck man says to his doctor, "Doc I just had my eleventh kid and we don't ha a bed bigenough for any more kids. I needs one of them vasectomy's done." The doctor Says " A vasectomy is a shorefire way to eliminate that problem, but that operation cost alot of money and you don't have any insurance to cover it. What you can do is get a Redneck Vasectomy done." The man says "A What"

Introduction: sorry about the other one I screwed up on the last one Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman

Introduction: These answers were not mine (I wish they were) a friend told them to me, and I found them amusing enough to add them here....... Yes girls, i know i'm a sexist prick, if you have a problem with that we can discuss it while your making my dinner! 1. Call. 2. Don't lie. 3. Never tape any of her body parts together. 4. If guys' night out

Introduction: Little Johnny While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's moth

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, the guy tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven." So Henry Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with Adam, the first man." So the guy at the gates points Adam out to Ford. When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks, "He

When the fire chief retired from his dept. of 25 yrs., the dept. buys him a brass bell. He takes the bell home and tells his wife that if he rings the bell once, he is thinking about sex. If he rings it twice, he's getting ready. If he rings it three times, here he comes. Well, later that night she hears ding. A few minutes later she hears, ding ding. A few minutes more and she hears.

Two men were captured in the bush by cannibals and taken captive. They were brought before the tribal chief, who informed them both that they would be killed. He advised the men that they had the choice of dying by boiling water and he pointed out a large cauldron being heated over a campfire, the quick death by spear, or roo-roo. The first man thought for a moment and asked the ch

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari c) When your date is using her teeth 4. Unless he murdered som

What's the Russian word for VD? Ans: Rotchurcockoff. Read 34330 times | Rated 45.8 % | (264 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

A young blonde woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like,

Two friends jack and sam were visiting the forests of africa....they were spotted by a tribe sam climbed on a tree and hid..the tribe caught jack and all the tribals raped him and then let him go.. Few months later they visited the forests again and were spotted by the same tribe again this time jack climbed the tree and sam was caught when the tribe came their head said that this guy

Introduction: Old joke I heard when I was younger, hope you like it Sam the Sperm... Once long ago there was a sperm named Sam who lived inside the testicles of a famous rock star. Sam was always a very healthy and strong sperm, he'd spend his time doing exercises and somersaults, while all the other sperm just laid around waiting for their eventual release.

SANTA AND BEAUTIFUL LADY Santa Claus arrives at a house and climbs down the chimney to find a beautiful blonde, laying on the bed. She looks at Santa and says, "Oh Santa I'm so horny will you please stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho! Ho! Ho! You know I gotta go...got to deliver these gifts to the children." The beautiful blonde removes her shirt to reveal her gorgeous breasts,

Santa Claus arrives at a house and climbs down the chimney to find a beautiful blonde, laying on the bed. She looks at Santa and says, "Oh Santa I'm so horny will you please stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho! Ho! Ho! You know I gotta go...got to deliver these gifts to the children." The beautiful blonde removes her shirt to reveal her gorgeous breasts, and she again says, "Oh plea

Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active. The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for staying sexually vital. "Well," answered the man, "I eat rye bread everyda

A senior citizen's group chartered a bus from Brooklyn to Atlantic City. As they entered New Jersey, an elderly woman came up to the driver and said "I've been molested!" The driver thought she was just being delusional, and told her to go sit back down. Ten minutes later, another old woman came forward and claimed SHE'D been molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of wacko

Two eighty-year olds were trying to decide what to do on their upcoming vacation. Since the had never been a part for even one night of their married life, they decided to go on separate vacations. So the old guy packed his bathing suit and headed for Florida. While the lady packed her bikini and went to San Francisco. After several days, the old lady received this telegram from her hu

'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!' 'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?' 'Put that thing away before you get us all killed.' 'You've got something jammed in here real good.' 'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?' 'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.' 'Sorry about the mess...' 'Look at the size of th

A very sexy new lady moved into town and all of the guys wanted to sleep with her but she was not going for it. She had taken a position with the local church and her religious upbringing kept her away from the throngs of lusty males in town. Finally one of the more attractive hunks in town finally was able to ask her out. That night they ended up in bed together. Afterwards she says t

Introduction: New to Area Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple & a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church. The priest said " We have special requirements for new parishioners, you must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed & came back at the end of two weeks. The priest went to the elderly couple and asked, "We

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The annual Sexual Educ

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?" She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And wha

Introduction: This isn't even the beginning of all my jokes, but right now it'll have to do, since i don't have time to put them all in..... Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A. A navel. Q. What is the differe

Introduction: Installment no. 2 Enjoy!! Comments would be greatly appreciated, as would telling me your favourite jokes, since I'm planning to make a 'Reader Favourite' section Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They'

Introduction: Check out my profile for other jokes, ratings and comments appreciated Q. Did ya hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It works by changing your blood type!! Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos? A. Toys for Twats Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"? A. Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!" Q. What's the differ

Introduction: As always your comments, ratings, and jokes are greatly appreciated Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"? A. About three inches. Q. What do you do in case of fallout? A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes! Q. Why do women have two holes so close together? A. In case you miss. Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout? A.

Introduction: You know the drill, comment, rate, and give me your favourite jokes if you'd like to see them in a new 'Reader Favourite' post..... Q. Did you hear about the kid napping? A. Yeah, he woke up! Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian". A. It has been changed to "vagitarian". Q. What's the definition of "Tender Love?"

Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists? A. Their shaky hands! Read 23084 times | Rated 47.1 % | (180 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? A. $3.99 a minute. Read 23536 times | Rated 48.6 % | (146 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt Read 32465 times | Rated 45.3 % | (389 votes) Vote list (Close) :WilliamKay : POSITIVE

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? A. Gagged Read 29596 times | Rated 47.8 % | (356 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Q. What’s better than a rose on your piano? A. Tulips on your organ. Read 27934 times | Rated 46.1 % | (449 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Introduction: Quick little jokes/comebacks. As confused as a infant in a titty bar. As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market. Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A. A navel. Q. What is the difference betw

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Read 23690 times | Rated 48.6 % | (250 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes. Read 22431 times | Rated 49.5 % | (184 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off! Read 22430 times | Rated 47.5 % | (150 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. Read 22559 times | Rated 47.7 % | (182 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out? A. A lesbian with a hard-on. Read 22672 times | Rated 46.4 % | (188 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise? A. The captains log. Read 23137 times | Rated 47.4 % | (187 votes) Vote list (Close) :WilliamKay : NEGATIVE Please rate this text:   

Q. Why did God create alcohol? A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex. Read 22702 times | Rated 49 % | (213 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Q. What is the cheapest meat? A. Deer balls, there under a buck. Read 22661 times | Rated 47.7 % | (202 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Q. What's the best part of having a homeless girlfriend? A. You can drop her off where ever you want! Read 22298 times | Rated 43.7 % | (222 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 co

Q. Why do women have arms? A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean? Read 22499 times | Rated 47.9 % | (208 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comment

Q. Why are roach clips called roach clips? A. Because "pot holder" was already taken. Read 20975 times | Rated 42.5 % | (175 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments