A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 8 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tanned all over except his "thingie." So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand, except for his "thingie" which he left sticking up. Two old ladies were

Three lady friends were discussing what they should do about the fact that each of their husbands was named, Leroy. When they got together to talk, it was very confusing as to which husband they meant..and this happened all of the time. So one day when they were all together having lunch they decided to figure out a way to solve this problem. One lady suggested giving each of the husba

Introduction: Song lyrics, to the tune of Big Rock Candy Mountain "The Tig-o-bitty Mountains" sung to the tune of "The Big Rock Candy Mountain" New lyrics by SessoScrittore One Friday as the sun went down, and Sports Center was just ending, at the door was a hottie knockin', on her breast tat was a rendering, of a QR code, that she ask I scan, A site came up,

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional. The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." He asked how. She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water. The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." He asked how. "I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.

A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making love. He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get our of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from t

Introduction: Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. Child: Mother, where do babies come from? Mom: Well dear... a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night, they go into their room... they kiss

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goo

Introduction: Once again, not one of my ideal jokes, but you guys out there may find it slightly humourous.... Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I e

Introduction: Love it, lol. Young David had a gambling problem. He'd bet on anything with anyone and one day his dad decided to consult his teacher. The teacher said Mr. Gaines, I think I know what to do to teach David a lesson, We'll trap him into a big wager that he'll lose.' David's father agreed to cooperate with the plan and the following day the teach

Introduction: May not be the best ideas, but i guarentee they'll make your trips to the toilet more interesting. 1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?" 2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

Dictionary of Obscure Sexual Terms Angry Dragon Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon. Arabian Goggles A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible,

There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor. A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The next morning, the younger brothers

There were 3 dicks standing on the corner. They were talking about how hard there lives are. The first dick said, "I have it the worst, my master plays with me all night." The second dick said, "No, I have it much worse than you, my master strokes me all night." The third dick says, "That's nothing, my master puts a plastic bag over my head, shoves me in a dark tunnel, and makes me do

Three guys, who were old friends were hanging out one day when one of them starts looking at his hands continually. Finally one of the others asks him about this and the friend replies, "Well, I have noticed how small my hands are. I bet they are the smallest men's hands in the world. I was thinking about going to the people at the Guinness Book of World Records and asking them to meas

Three guys were driving down an old country road during a thunderstorm when their car broke down. One of the guys said he thought he saw a hotel a little ways back, so they decided to walk to the hotel. When they got there they asked the owner if there was any spare rooms they could stay in because their car broke down and they had nowhere to stay. The owner, being nice, said that

Three former older hookers got together and were talking about the good ol' days. The first one said, "Back when I was hooking, I only got $20.00 for a blow job." The second one then said, "Well, that ain't so bad. When I was hooking, I only got $10.00 for a blow job!" The third one had been listening and decided to speak up. She said to the others, "I was hooking during the Gr

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home." Read 33146 times | Rated 49.5 % | (190 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Three men are discussing their previous night's lovemaking. The Italian says, "My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil, then we make wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes." The Frenchman says, "I smooth sweet butter on my wife's body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour." The Jew says, "I covered my wife's body with schmaltz. We made l

Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

TIGHT MINI SKIRT In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behi

A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I`d like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost dir

Introduction: Kwickies. I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.They asked me what Iwould like for my birthday. I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna WATCH. ============================================================================== Why is it when your wife beco

Tonto stopped at a spot on the plains and put his ear to the ground and said to the Lone Ranger, "Many Indians have come here." The Lone Ranger marvelling at his skills, asked Tonto how he knew this. Tonto replied, "cause the ground is very sticky." Read 30946 times | Rated 46 % | (142 votes)

A young couple was out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway, the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles and hour, will you take off all your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car over. The girl is t

Introduction: Got these from a site a friend recommended to me. Check out my profile for other jokes. Ratings and comments appreciated TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED... 10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk". 9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial. 8. The cat is on Valium. 7. People have trouble unders

Introduction: Got these from a site a friend suggested to me. Check out my profile for other jokes. Ratings and comments appreciated Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like... 10. Hey! Now there's a gift! 9. Well, well, well... 8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit. 7. This is perfect for wearing around the bas

I walked into a bar yesterday, and saw three stark-naked women. 3 sexy, perfectly drunk sluts with firm, huge tits, and shaved pussies. A boy walked in. He seemed about 13 years old, and had no buisness being there. The club owner looked at me, and said, "That kid's stupid. Just watch." So I did. The club owner yelled at the boy,"Hey, son! You can bang all of these sluts, or just one!"

A pair of sperm cells are passing through a woman’s body. One sperm turns to the other and says, “Oh man I’m tired. How far now to the fallopian tubes?” “We’ve got quite a way to go,” replied the other sperm, “We’ve only just past the tonsils!” See, there you go - talking sperm... got

A father was very anxious to marry off his daughter so he wanted tried impress her first date. "Do you like to screw?" he asks. "Huh?!" replied the surprised young man. "My daughter, she loves to screw and she's very good at it. You and she should go screw." carefully explained the father. Now very interested, the boy replied, "Yes, sir!" Minutes later the girl came down the stairs,

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact.... "Mary...Mary...." "Is that you, Fred?" "Yes Mary, I've come back like we agreed." "What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morni

A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. This big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking

Two women from Afghanistan were walking down a dusty dirt road. They stopped for a moment and one held up two potatoes she was carrying for the other to see. Then the other one exclaimed, "those look like my husbands balls." "You mean your husband has balls this big?" "No," replied the other woman, "his balls are that dirty." Read 35223 times |

A woman calls her veterinarian and tells him that her male German shepherd is making sexual advances towards her. He responds by suggesting that she can bring him in to have him neutered. "No," she replies, "All I want you to do is clip his toe nails and sweeten his breath." ========================================================================== A man walks into a bar with a St.

Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man. They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I'll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and p

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "H

Two fleas are talking about winter migration and one's freezing its ass of. FLEA1: "I spent the whole trip in a biker's beard." FLEA2: "That's not the way you do it, what you do is get on a plane and climb up a stuartess's skirt and sleep in her pussy, that's what I always do." The next year the fleas talk again. The first flea is still freezing his ass off. FLEA2: "What the fuck is wr

Two flees go on holiday every year to Florida. They always meet up at the same bar, The red lion. One year the first flee, Tom, was sat in the bar, when the other flee, Tim, walked in. Tim was shivering and complaining of the cold. Tom asked what was wrong. Tim said that he'd just rode all the way there in the moustache of a biker. Tom said "next year do what I do, go to the airport ba

Introduction: This is how you discover your best friends is cheating with your wife OK, so i heard this story about a year ago and decided to post it here see if other people find it as funny as i think it is, its short but it explains its point. Thank you for reading. ____________________________________________________________________________________Guy 1:

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen? Ans: Their names were Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael. Read 31907 times | Rated 43.1 % | (289 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:   

Two Hillbillies were hunting with no luck. Then one of them saw a sheep with its head caught in a fence. One hillbilly looks at the other and says, "Let's have sex with the sheep." The other one said, "ok." So when the first Hillbilly is done he turns to second hillbilly and says, "Your turn." So the second one sticks his head in the fence. Read 33176

Introduction: Marriage nights A deaf and dumb guy and a deaf and dumb girl get married. On their wedding night she produces a piece of paper on which the following is written. “On the nights that you want to fuck me, rub my left breast once, on the nights you don’t want to fuck me rub my left breast twice, that way I will know what you need from me” He thinks

There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will r

Two old ladies were sitting on a bench having a quiet chat, when a flasher approached from across the park. He stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat, exposing himself. One of the ladies immediately had a stroke. The other lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far. Read 32487 times | Rated 47.3 % |

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck on a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?" Re

TWO PROSTITUTES WALKING BY CHURCH Two prostitutes were walking by a church when one of them said to the other, "we should go inside. They've got a guy in there who's really hung!" "Tell me more," replied the other one. "Well, he's hung like this," said the friend stretching out her arms straight out at her sides. Note: This joke works better as a visual one.

Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long. He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?" "No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus." Read 32121 times | Rated 47.6 % | (150 votes)

Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time. The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month. The judge asked the first boy how he did and he t

Introduction: mình là boy Mình là boy. Mình Ä‘ã 24 tuổi nhÆ°ng chÆ°a bao giờ quan hệ tình dục vá»›i ai. mình rất muốn tìm 1 người Æ¡huj nữ có thể giúp mình. mình ở tỉnh hải dÆ°Æ¡ng, nÆ°á»›c Việt Nam. có ai trong nÆ°á»›c và giúp mình về vấn đề này không? Mình không cần tuổi này nọ từ 40 tuoir trở xuống là mình ok.