There was this Hunter that always got a lot of nagging from his wife for not taking her anywhere with him. So one day he decides he is going to take her bear hunting with him. At dinner that night he says to his wife, "Honey, tomorrow we are going bear hunting together. Be prepared to get up pretty early." They go to bed and the alarm goes off at 4:00 AM. The hunter gets up and mak

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50. Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50. Hand Job: - $10.00. After checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help y

A man goes in to a bar. He looks up and sees a sign on the wall: "HAND JOBS $5...CHEESE SANDWICHES $2. He looks around, sees a waitress and says, "Are you the one who does the hand jobs?" She says happily, "Yes I am!" He says, "Well wash them hands and make me a Cheese sandwich." Read 34831 times | Rated 46.3 % |

Introduction: Hooker in Bar A guy walks into a bar and sees a hooker at a table, so he walks over to her and says, how much is it for a hand job? She says 10 dollars so he said well that's a lot of money but okay how much have you made off of hand jos she said you see all those cars out there I bought all those with the money I've made from hand jobs. so they

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her, "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no

Introduction: Ever had a problem describing the type of hangover you have? Well now you can just say a certain raring to a guy and he SHOULD understand it......... Key word there is 'SHOULD', so don't email me complaining that he doesn't!! Does any of this sound somewhat familiar? 1 star hangover * No pain. No real feeling of illness.. Your sleep last night w

One day, John decided to invite over his mother for dinner with him and his roommate, Julie. Julie made a great dinner, but John's mother started to suspect more than friendship. The next day, Julie told John that the soup ladle was missing. This is the letter he wrote to his mother: Dear Ma, I'm not saying you did take the soup ladle, but I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remai

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention...the assembly line for the automobile...changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want." Ford thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Th

A beautiful woman walks into a doctors office and the doctor is awestruck. All his professionalism goes out the window. He tells her to take off her pants and he starts rubbing her thighs. He says "Do you know what I am doing?" She replies "Yes, checking for abnormalities." He tells her to take off her shirt and bra and he starts rubbing her breasts. He says "Do you know what I am doin

One day, a young boy comes home from school, and hears a strange man in the Bedroom with his mother. Hiding in the closet he see's a man in bed with his mother. Suddenly his mother looks up and says "Oh my god, my Husband is home early! Quick hide in the closet. Once inside the man hears a voice "man..it sure is dark in here... The man startled tries to quiet the lad "Shhh..please b

What do hillbillies do on Halloween? Ans: PUMP KIN! Read 37553 times | Rated 48.6 % | (168 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

One day a guy was standing on the first tee of his local golf course, when another man walked up and said, "The pro said I could join you, if you don't mind." The guy said, "Sure, just put your clubs on the cart". So he placed his clubs on the back of the cart and put a briefcase on the seat. Noticing the briefcase, the guy said, "What you got in the briefcase, extra balls?" Th

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice fro

On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Geisha Girl. Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his Penis. He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputatio

Pfizer Corp. (PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as-is or as a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do." Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one." Recommendation: BUY

Introduction: don't cheat ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1.boo_s 2.__ndom 3.f__k 4.p_n_s 5.pu_s_ 6.s_x ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother to comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having s

Introduction: This is the true story of how I dislocated my finger I was at bestival (a music festival in England), Bollywood tent Some filthy DnB was playing and I was raving outta my drug fuelled mind. There was a girl in front of me grinding on me and my hands were all over her, so I slipped my hands underneath her shorts/jeans whatever she was wearing and

Introduction: Lady in pub. After you all destroyed my masterpiece Family series I have reverted to this to stop you all moaning. If you don't like this you are just miserable???? This guy goes up to a woman in a bar and whispers in her ear," I'd love to fill your puss y with Vodka and then drink it all". The woman runs over to her husband and tells him wh

Q: how do you make a little boy cry twice? A: wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear Read 51780 times | Rated 30.9 % | (855 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    70 comments«12345»a

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch,entertain,sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill fo

Introduction: Just a bit of fun....... How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see boyfriend/husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom. 3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out stomach so

Hung Chow call his boss and says: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I not come work." The boss says: "You know Hung Chow I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls aga

I felt like a real man when after a long (20-30 seconds) session of love-making my girlfriend told me I was hung like a moose. I then shrunk back down to size, literally and figuratively, when she clarified her statement, "Yeah, you're hung like a moose...chocolate mouse!!!" Read 35824 times | Rated 43.1 % | (245 vote

A couple were invited to a swanky family, masked, fancy dress, Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The

This guy finds himself in the predicament of not being able to arouse his wife sexually in bed anymore. Consulting all types of reference books and men's magazines, he decides to hire a big, well hung black man to aid him, believing that if his wife can watch the naked black man while he is making love to her, the visual stimulation alone will be enough to do the trick. So he goes abou

Upon arriving home from their honeymoon, the husband decides to play the tape he made of their first night . The tape starts up and his wife is heard to say on the tape, "That's happiness, that's happiness." The new husband's wife walks into their bedroom and tells him, "Hey, you got it on slo mo, here rewind it and play it at normal speed." When the tape starts up, his wife

Introduction: Thanks for all the comment for my last story. It inspired me to write this A man wants to have sex with his wife, he turns off the lights . His wife asks why, he replies ' because it makes it more enjoyable ' after that , he continues doing until his decides to turn on the light when they are they were going to have sex next. When they are about

Introduction: Sorry for what the story. Here's the re post Husband and wife are about to have sex, the husband turns off the lights and they have sex, this keeps up for a long time, the wife asks ' why do you turn off the lights when we want to have sex '. The husband says ' cause it makes sex more fun '. Wife tries to believe what he said and they have sex.

Introduction: Sorry for what the story. Here's the repost with no mistakes Husband and wife are about to have sex, the husband turns off the lights and they have sex, this keeps up for a long time, the wife asks ' why do you turn off the lights when we want to have sex '. The husband says ' cause it makes sex more fun '. Wife tries to believe what he said and

A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on. One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love, and saw that he was using a dildo on her. She says, "Honey, how could you do this? All this time

A man was visiting his wife in a hospital where she had been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her ri

One day a boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, I need to know the meaning of hypothetically and realistically for school." The father replies, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with another man for 1 million dollars." The little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes. His dad says, "Ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a man for a million dollars." He do

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex

There are identical twin brothers. One lives a godly life: Good husband and father, reputable businessman, lots of community service. One is a hell-raiser: drunk, unfaithful to his wife, mean to his kids, cheats and lies. They both die at about the same time. The good twin goes to heaven and can look down on the bad twin in hell. Hell is not as the good twin imagined. His brother is dr

Introduction: here is the link for the song on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4waTRTNNxyM I'd be bonin' every minute, my corncob always in it, screamin' out her name I'd be suckin' on her tit, while I'm rubbin' down her clit, if I only had a dame I would whip her with a lasso, lick her little asshole, makin' sure she came I'd be playin' with her bo

Introduction: teen girl seduces dad, sex in shower Background: Daddy's little “Kitten” always loved her big ‘Pa-Pa’. While growing up, (affectionate & effeminate) girl believed inherited mother's marriage vows, to love, care, and provide for each other, as best they can. He's away more often than Ma-Ma (both work), so she cherishes time together. Now as young adult (

From time to time I speak with pharmaceutical sales reps who use our library. The other day a Glaxo rep told me of a drug that her company has under development. This drug sounds so promising that I want to suggest to everyone so you consider buying stock in the company. The drug is called, "Gingko Viagra," and its function is to help you remember what the fuck you are doing.

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight." The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" Read 33924 times | Rated 49.9 % | (212 votes)

A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad. That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis." The next day the second five year old boy met t

There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work. He told her not to bother as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He t

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had b

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies. "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man replies. "I th

In walked a man looking for some company and the first woman he sees he approached. "Hey baby how about a date." The woman smacks him and walks away. Next the man approach a woman sitting alone at a table. "Hello daring how about a date." The woman politely tells him no and walks away. Then in walks a woman who looks like an Amazon goddess. The man says "sweetheart how about we have us

It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out. The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass" The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass." Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark." Read 34357 times | Rated 48.8 % |

Introduction: geat Introduction: My entry to the CAW 8.5 Halloween contest. A ghost story about the power of desire. 'You have got to be kidding!' Lucy said, summarily dismissing the suggestion. 'Come on babe, it'll be fun. We'll get our scares on. Beer, wine, and spirits... of the dead' Jack raised his hands up over his head and made ghost noises. Lucy laugh

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Q

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A little boy and hsi dad are walking down the street and they see two dogs fucking. The little boy asks his father, "Daddy what are they doing?" , They're trying to make puppies the father replies. Later that night watching animal planet with his son, they see two lions fucking, they little bay asks his father , "Daddy what are they doing?" They're trying to make kittens the father re

ONE DAY LITTLE CHRIS WAS SITTING ON THE PORCH STEPS, WHILE HIS MAMA WAS ROCKING IN THE CHAIR BEHIND HIM. IN CHRIS RIGHT HAND HE HAD M&M'S, IN HIS LEFT HAND HE WAS HOLDING HIS CAT.......... TWO MINUTES LATER CHRIS POPPED A M&M INTO HIS MOUTH, BITE THE CAT AND MOVED DOWN A STEP, MEAN WHILE HIS MAMA WAS LOOKING AT HIM, WONDERING WHAT HE WAS DOING. TWO MINUTES LATER HE DID IT AGAIN, PO