What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? Ans: One US leader. Read 37300 times | Rated 48.4 % | (193 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Introduction: Thanks To All The Supporters Of My First Jokes, And Especially To The Ones Who Encouraged Me To Write More ;) Enjoy :D 1.) What do you call a 90-year old man that can still madturbate? A.) Miracle whip! 2.)Why don't witches wear panties when flying? A.) To get a better grip on the broomstick! 3.)What's the quickest way to clear out a mens restro

It's the morning after the honeymoon, and the wife says, "You know, you're really a lousy lover." The husband replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?" Read 37259 times | Rated 50.9 % | (158 votes) Vote list (Close) :

Introduction: A joke I once heard Not actually a sex joke, but it's a good one. Comment and rate would be more than nice! A man had a six children and he was very proud of it. Actually he even called her wife "Mother of six" though she didn't actually like it at all and secretly wanted him to stop Once in a party he wanted to show off with his children and ye

A husband, so proud of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of six" rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of six," he would say, "Get me a beer!" "Hey mother of six, what's for dinner tonight?" This type of situation persist

Have you ever smelled moth balls? If yes then, who held his legs open? Read 34040 times | Rated 45.9 % | (216 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

Two old boys from the Mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But we's p

July 12, 1990 Subject: IBM BALL REPLACEMENT Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Be

Introduction: Charges read out. A man was in court for a double murder, and the judge said, "You are charged withraping then beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You bast.ard!" The judge continued, "You are also charged with raping and then beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." Again, the

Introduction: This is really just common sense, but believe it or not, common sense isn't all that common....... 1. Friendly fire - isn't. 2. Recoilless rifles - aren't. 3. Suppressive fires - won't. 4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note. 5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. 6. If it's stupid but it wor

Okay so there is a guy in Russia getting a blowjob from an 86 year old women and at the same time a guy in america walking on a tightrope between two buildings and they are both thinking the same thing what is it : Dont look down What is the difference beetween a whore and a drug dealer... A whore can wash her crack and sell it all over again. Read 6

Introduction: stolen Growing up with a single mother and two older twin-sisters is a pain in the ass. All three of them try to spoil me with their love and I loved the attention I got from them until I hit puberty. It was then I realized what a pain they were, sure they still loved me to death and tried to get my attention but it was me who tried to avoid the

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex." He is a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then, I said "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then, I said, "You don't understand.

Introduction: http://thetangail.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-first-kiss-was-one-i-would-rather.html?utm_source=BP_recent New kid I was the new kid. The only people I could pretend to know were primary school friends, but I had not seen any of them since grade six - everything had changed. I turned up in a second-hand uniform hoping that might help confuse me with

An old couple celebrating their 50 year anniversary, was eating breakfast one morning when the mans looks at his wife and says: "I'm still as hot for you as when we first married." The old woman smiles at him and they continue to eat, after a while the old woman looks at the old man and says "My nipples are still as hot for you as they were when we were first married." The old man paus

Q:why does micheal jackson like 29 year olds A: because there's 20 of them Read 42990 times | Rated 40.5 % | (307 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    18 comments«1234»anonymous read

Introduction: Just a joke I remembered, I didn't see it under the jokes, but if it's there, I am sorry that it seems like I'm copying other people's work A guy gets from a plane and goes to a beautiful double storey house, he knocks on the door and an attractive woman opens the door. "I wanna see Natalie" The lady looks the man up and down, he clearly doesn't

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the eve

in eastern russia, a man is walking down the road. this man has an extremely big thirst for vodka. when he continued walking he saw a dusty vodka bottle lying on the ground when he picks it up and shakes it a amazing thing happens. a wizard pops out and says '' thank you kind sir for saving me. for doing so, i will grant you one wish. '' the vodka deprived man thinks for a bit then say

Introduction: Gates of Heaven Three nuns are killed in an accident and all arrive at the gates of heaven together. St. Peter says to the first, have you ever had contact with a mans penis? She says I did touch Father Davids a few times. St. Peter said ok Mary go and rinse them in the bowl of holy water over there then you may enter heaven. St. Peter then said

It was just after a devastating nuclear war, and God came down to the Last Jew, Aberham Appearing before the startled man, God said unto him "because you have been faithful, you have survived and I will grant you 3 wishes, however, as the arabs were persecuted, you should know, whatever you wish for, I shall increase 2 fold, for the last Arab. The Aberham did not like this, but such as

Introduction: A joke for the ppl who never heard it before. The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local butcher. Although very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts. After the marriage, on Friday

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She decided to put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED, must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants apply in person. On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray haired man

A man decided to lay down some ground rules to his wife. He started; I shall go out and come back whenever I please, when I come back to this house I must see a palatable dish on the dinning, I drink and play cards whenever I want with my friends and he went on and on talking. The wife was looking at the man and listening to all what he was saying. When he was done speaking she said "

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead... Read 35940 times | Rated 49.9 % | (241 votes) Vote list (Close) :

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says it cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

Introduction: not so sexy 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. 3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot, This describes everything you are not. 4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you because I was pissed. 5. I thoug

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother ( who couldn't think of an answer)told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs h

Introduction: If your gonna tell me I'm racist, gay, insensitive, a jerk, a complete ass whole, ect. Then your probably my ex Q:Why does the black guy say to the fast white guy? A:Are you a racist? Q:Whats black, long, and curved? A.: The line to KFC Story Joke: There 3 tomatoes. Papa T., Mama Tomato, Tomato Jr. The're all walked down to the story when Papa

A man decides he wants to purchase him some pussy. First he asks a woman on the street where he might go and she told him the building on the corner had the best pussy in town on the third floor. So when he got there he rung the bell. A beautiful voluptuous woman answers the door and say in a sexy voice "what would you like sugar pudding don't get no sweeter than what I got". The man r

A nun was waiting at a bus stop after her doctor's appointment. The bus arrived, she got in and sat down. The bus was very empty and she went to talk to the bus driver. "The doctor just told me I have a heart disease and I want to have sex and feel like a woman before I die." The bus driver is very chuffed and says, "Sure." The nun made him promise that he could not be married

Introduction: This is just a little something a friend once told me and i found pretty funny, you may ofcourse agree or disagree.... People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? People who are willing to get off their ass to search

"Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action." ""Listen Dude," drawled the lil' Texas lady, "If y'all can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested." Read 36502 times | Rated 51 % | (246 votes)

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man. 'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free! 'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcas

A man comes home from a night of drinking. As he stumbles through the front door, his wife snaps at him, “What’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry honey. I ran out of money.” /////////////// A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked the car. The petting went on and he put hi

An old couple in their 80's went out to dinner to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary and ended up at the same restaurant they ate at while beginning their honeymoon. The old man takes a look outside the restaurant window and says to his wife, "remember that fence across the street? After we ate our dinner 60 years ago, I took you outside, placed your body across that fence, raise

An old couple in their 80's went out to dinner to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary and ended up at the same restaurant they ate at while beginning their honeymoon. The old man takes a look outside the restaurant window and says to his wife, "remember that fence across the street? After we ate our dinner 60 years ago, I took you outside, placed your body across that fence, raise

An older couple was contemplating marriage. The man was concerned about what the expectations of his wife might be. So he said to her: "Honey, I need to understand how often you expect us to have sex once we get married?" She thought for a moment and then replied, "In-frequently." He scratched his head and asked, "Do you mean this as one word or two?"

couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago

An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old man looked at his wife and said "fuck you!" A few minutes passed when the woman turned and said the same thing to her husband. After about half an hour of this the old man said "I'll never understand why kids today like this oral sex so much!" Read 3

OLD COUPLE SETTING RECORD STRAIGHT After being married for almost 50 years, this old couple decided to set the record straight about their marriage. Deciding they had nothing to fear about revealing secrets from their past anymore at this late stage in life, they both took turns asking each other about how faithful each had been in their marriage. The wife went first and asked her

When God created Man, he decided that Man would have 20 years of an active sex life. So he said to Adam, "You will have 20 good years to procreate, so go out into the world and multiply." Adam acknowledged God's commandment, bowed his head, and stood in the corner while God spoke to his other other living beings. God said to the Monkey, "I grant to you a sex life of 20 years too."

A man is Driving on a dark rode when his car starts to smoke... In about ten minutes his cars die and it has been raining for sometime now... He looks around until he sees a farm house with all the lights on in it... HE pulled his coat over his head and run for the house... When he get there he pounds on the door but gets on answer... He walks around the house until he see someone in a

A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked, How often I should have it?" His grandfather told him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, and will maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you

Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. 'Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm' there - that's all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?" Mabel thought

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a pe

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes bored into her shoulder blades for her wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes l

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Lady 1: "What's that?" Lady 2: "A condom." Lady 1: "Where'd you get it?" Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore." The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugs

There was this 25 year old male, jogging through the park one day, when he runs by this old man sobbing uncontrollably. The jogger decides he'd better stop and see if he could be of some help. "What's the matter old man... why are you crying?" The old man replies, "Just this morning, I woke up to my beautiful 25 year old wife riding me like she was in the Kentucky Derby.... Boo

An old man told his wife he wanted some Viagra and he was headed to the doctor's office to get a prescription. As he was heading out the door, she said to him, "If you're going to be using that rusty old thing on me, I'll go with you and get a tetanus shot." Read 32070 times | Rated 48.5 % | (171 votes)