Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at

How is a vagina like a grapefruit? Ans: The best ones squirt when you eat them. Read 32060 times | Rated 47.9 % | (150 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

How are condoms and women similar? Ans: They both are in your wallet and aren't on your dick enough. Read 31461 times | Rated 49.6 % | (197 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 com

a man is due to be married to a woman. his soon to be wife also has a hot ass that she seams to shake when ever the soon to be wife is not looking. one day the sister calls the groom if he could help move some things around the house. when the man get there he notices that she has the smallest bikkini on. after hee moves these things that she needed moved they sit down for coffee. then

When do you slap a midget? Ans: When he says, "Gee, your hair smells terrific!" Read 33123 times | Rated 48.6 % | (169 votes) Vote list (Close) : Please rate this text:    0 comments

A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown." The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy, "W

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the m

Introduction: A joke for the ppl who never heard it before. A man use to work somewhere ones he got sick he called his employer to tell him he can't come on work today so he want a week long leave. employee: "Boss i can't come to work today." Boss : "why?" employee : "boss i am sick" Boss: "When I'm sick I have sex with my wife i keep fucking her ass until s

I wonder if you can figure this one out?!! Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come to a lake. The water looks enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. She tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too. Snow White relents and says, "When I get into the wat

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?" "Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates

# 9 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 12

Introduction: Two pretty good jokes Joke #1 I've always had them. I just had no idea how much fun it could be and how good it'll feel. I got some more this Christmas from my granma, mum and my sisters. Yesterday I wanted to put them into a ultimate test. I played them for hours until they were all soaking wet. Then I pressed some ice sticks inside of them. Th

Introduction: please go easy as this is my first time writing... Enjoy :D just some jokes i know of... 1.) there were three men in a club, and along comes a sexy waitress, the 1st guy licks a tenner and sticks it to the waitress' left ass cheek. the 2nd man, licks two tenners and sticks them on the waitress' right ass cheek. the 3rd man, not wanting to be out

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman

A family are driving in their car on holidays. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road. The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish. The man says, "Please make my dog win the next dog race." The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight a

This man buys a brand new Mustang. He decides to take it out and see what it can really do. So he is traveling down the highway going around 90. Suddenly he see a patrol car behind him with its sirens on. He thinks "I can out run that car easy." So he starts speeding faster. Cop keeps pace. Faster and fast. Finally the man gives up and pulls over. The officer gets out and approaches th

Introduction: It's Stiff. An 80 year old man was asked by his doctor to provide a sperm sample. The doctor gives him a jar and with a wink says, "I don't expect you to fill it to the top, but I am sure you can still cover the bottom". 3 days later the old man returns to the surgery with the jar still empty. "Why no sample ? I was sure you could do it " said

Introduction: politics what do a sad thirteen year old boy with no computer, Bill Clinton, and former NY state governer elliot spitzer have in common? they both were caught with their pants down! (for those of you who dont know, elliot spitzer was governer of NY state until he resigned recently due to involvement in a prostitution scandal in which it was disc

Introduction: A joke for the ppl who never heard it before. Please rate positive if this joke makes you laugh i would appreciate negative comments as well. let me know if this couldn't make you laugh. thanx.:) A write who's wasting his hours just to vote good jokes one this site down my absolutely free advice for you. post something funny instead of being jealous. we all

Introduction: Comments greatly appreciated .............. Not mine, got these from a different site............. For anyone whose read any of my other intro's you pretty much know everything i've got to say anyway, so enjoy! Rugby Commentator: "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him." Motor Racing commentator: "The lead car is absolute

Introduction: Check out my profile for other jokes, ratings and comments appreciated Just in case you think you've heard it all... We got our hands on a little known about revision of the original Star Wars movie script that substitutes the word "pants" into many of the lines... DARTH VADER: I find your lack of pants disturbing. DARTH VADER: General Veers, p

Introduction: im being seduced by my step kid Jasmine It was the weekend My wife was gone at work and her daughter Jasmine was home with me.I was african american,5'11,brown eyes,black hair,and muscular build.I was lounging watching football on ESPN,Baltimore ravens vs the GreenBay packers.It was a good game the score was 50 for ravens and 40 for Packers.

Introduction: (this is a re-post of icesnake9985) Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she

Introduction: Pals in a bar. Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman standing in a bar. Englishman says: "My wife is so thick. She's just bought a car and she doesn't drive." Scotsman says: "Think that's bad? My wife has just paid for a swimming pool to be built in the back garden and she doesn't swim." Irishman thinks for a while: "I can beat that, my wife has jus

a very drunkman was laying on a beach jacking off when a little girl about 5 came walking toward him so he threw a newspaper over his erection.."whats under there?"asked the little girl...after a minute the man replied his pet bird..."can i play with it?"..the man shakes his head,the girl walks away and the man falls asleep...he wakes up in the hospital in tremendous pain and after ask

A blond walked into the candy shop and asked the clerk for the biggest lollypop he had, the clerk laughed and said " Well, we have the large round ones or the straight twirl sticks.either or they both are good!" no I wanted the candy stick that is 11 inches long... the girls at the beauty shop are always talking about Tommy's lollypop... where can I get it at?

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,"he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having s

One fine day, Superman went to visit his good friend Wonder Woman. As he approached her front door, he heard some moaning sounds coming from an open window. Curious, he went to the window and peered inside. The sight he saw was shocking. Wonder Woman was naked on her bed. Her legs were spread wide open, her arms were at her side, her eyes were closed, and she was moaning like she was

Superman wasn't very busy. He had lots of time on his hands to spend and wanted to find someone to go out with. So he looked up Spiderman. He asked Spiderman if he wanted to pal around with him for the day to see what adventures they could find but Spiderman declined because his hands were infected and he needed to give them a rest so they would heal. He then looked up Batman but Batma

Introduction: an amazin afternoon I parked my little car in the tree-lined suburban street, took the folder of papers from the passenger seat beside me, walked up to the front door of the well-kept detached house and rang the bell, hearing its chimes echo distantly inside. After a moment I saw, outlined indistinctly through the frosted glass panel, the shape of a woman

Mom and son....... Son1: Chan Son2: Jack MOM: Your father will be released from prison by this year after his 15 years of jail life..... Jack: ho! It is good to hear !! I have an idea to suprise him mom... Mom: whats that honey ?? Jack: we should Fuck immediately and suprise him with our new baby brother !! Mom: ho! Jack baby! You itself a big suprise for him boy!! Jack: how mom ?? M

One day a husband and wife were in the bathroom. The wife was getting out of the shower and the husband grabs her boobs and says "If these were firmer you wouldn't need a bra." The wife was repulsed by his behavior and ignores him. The next week the two are again in the bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her ass and says "If your ass was firmer you would

Introduction: Chocolate Delight. Mr Cadbury met Ms Nestle in a room on Quality Street. it was after eight. He noticed her Double Deckers and opened her Chocolate Buttons. Then he squeezed her Easter Eggs as he gave her a bit of Black Magic, before slipping his Chocolate Fingers into her Snickers. He touched her Fudge and showed her his Curly Wurly & Whole Nu

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog." The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!" "Look! We're going fishing and that's final." "Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!" "Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB

Introduction: These sort of jokes arn't my usual style, but a friend seems to think you guys will like them, so anyway, here it is..... I'm sure that upon reading this, you'll nod your head in agreement as you will all have experienced most, if not all of the scenarios listed. If you haven't you need more fiber..... The Perfect Dump Every once in a while ever

Introduction: hope you like it. Not mine and don't judge One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex."What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it a

TASTES LIKE ORANGE JUICE An entrepreneur meets with a bank's loan officer and asks for $100,000 to start his business. The loan officer asks what kind of business he wants to start. The man states that he has invented a can of spray that when used on a ladies privates, makes it taste like an orange. The loan officer tells the man that the bank could not be involved with such a

A blonde, redhead, and a brunette were riding in an elevator when they reach the top floor and the doors open they all notice a small spot of fluid on the floor. The redhead puts her finger in it and feels it. "It feels like semen." The brunette puts her finger in it and smells it. "It smells like semen." The blonde puts her finger in it and tastes it. " Its not from anyone on this

A guy is standing in a men's locker room when he notices that the man next to him has the name of a women tattooed down the length of his penis. He asks the man about this and is told that penile tattoos are the current rage; that when a woman sees her name tattooed there, she goes wild and can be possessed forever. The man thinks about this for a while and decides to get his girlfrien

Introduction: Hand from an alley. One rainy spring night in the city, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the kerb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Wh

A high school English teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam: "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-butt guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What wou

A couple meet in a bar and really seem to hit it off. Several beers later, they wind up at the mans house. The first thing the woman sees in the guys bedroom is: Teddy bears. Bright pink teddy bears. She shrugs it off and the two of them make steamy love all night. The next morning, they wake up and the guy says: > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Don't worry, it's r

1.Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long) 2. Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.) 3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Wal-Mart has a bigger selection) 4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this) 5. Thou shall not steal from your parents. (everyo

A man sees a new machine at the drug store which has a sign "Any ailment diagnosed - only $1". His right arm has been sore for a week so he decides to give it a try. He follows the instructions by bringing in a small urine sample, dumping it in the machine, and inserting a dollar bill. Two minutes later he receives a slip on which is written "Tennis Elbow". Bullshit, he thinks, becaus

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services; he was never

A man walks in to a bathroom and sees a midget pissing at a urinal. He couldn’t help but notice that the midget’s cock had to be two feet long. “ Holy Shit how did you get such a big cock” He asks “ It’s easy I’m a Leprechaun we have special powers and can grant wishes” the Leprechaun replied So the man grabs him and says “ Ha I caught you so now you must give me a wish. Right?” “I gue

Introduction: Read and you'll see There was a man named Cass, his balls were made out of brass. He put em together and in stormy weather, lightning shot out his ass. Read 43773

Introduction: Read and you'll see There was a man named Cass, who went to space with a pass. He opened the door at the galaxy floor and a comet got sucked in his ass. Read 18417

10) The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes." 9) The Dentist because he says, "Open Wide." 8) The Hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown."[b] 7) The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?" 6) The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it." 5) The Banker because he says, "If you take it out to soon, you'll