You Name It

“Do I get fries with that shake? No, that will never work. Did it hurt, when you fell out of heaven? Maybe. I’m glad I brought my library card, because I’m checking you out. No Dan, she will think you are a book worm” Dan says out loud to himself, while getting ready to go to the bar. “You must have drunk a lot of milk growing up, because it sure did your body good. No, you just used the word drunk in a bar. Dumb Ass!” Dan slaps himself on the forehead. “I better get going, I have to meet Paul soon.” Dan grabs his phone and heads out the door to get a cab.

Dan hasn’t dated for a year, ever since his three-year relationship ended. At 27 years old, he is an okay looking guy. Five feet nine inches tall, 155 pounds. Some might call him skinny. He’s not athletic but he is toned enough to pass for it. His blonde hair is cut short and combed straight down. He had a couple of girlfriends in High School but, nobody serious until he met Jackie in college. On their third anniversary Dan decided to propose, she said no just before ending the relationship. Dan was devastated and needed time to recover and let his heart mend. Tonight, one-year later, his friend Paul invited him to the bar to “Get back on the horse”. He really has never dated much. He met Jackie in class, and they just started hanging out together. In fact, he has never had to use a pickup line so, he is extremely nervous. When he is nervous, he tends to make jokes.

“Take me to the corner of 9th and Central. The Overtime Bar” Dan says to the driver as he gets into the cab. “Do you know any good pickup lines?”

“Pinch me. For a woman as beautiful as you, I have to be dreaming” he says as he pulls away from the curb.

“Did that line ever work for you?” Dan asks. “I’m kind of new to this.”

“Once, and we’re still married after 10 years.” The cabby pulls up to the curb. “That’s $12.80. Don’t worry, at this bar you’ll have good luck.” Dan pays him and gives a thank you as he heads inside. After taking a quick look around, Dan walks up to the bar, next to Paul, and orders a beer. Paul is chatting up some leggy brunette, so Dan starts to scout around for all the single ladies. He remembers a piece of advice his dad told him when he was eight; “Beauty is on the inside, looks are on the outside. Girls with looks will always have guys chasing them, however, plain girls will always be grateful for any attention you show them,” Dan didn’t understand that then, but since Jackie had looks, he is beginning to understand it now.

Julie at 25 years old, is a loner by choice, almost her whole life. She has never had a serious relationship, and never really fit in with any of the cliques at school. Now she doesn’t fit in with the cliques at work. As for her looks, she is a little overweight but not what you would call obese. Five feet six inches tall, 190 pounds with shoulder length black hair. She always dresses comfortably, not having any reason to dress up for work.

Julie is sitting at the bar, nursing the free drink her co-worker bought her when they came in. One of the women in her department had a birthday and they invited her out for drinks after work. There was a potluck lunch to celebrate, along with a cake. Someone had brought in Julie’s kryptonite, hard-boiled eggs, and she had more than her share of them so, she felt obligated to go out for drinks. Her drink isn’t mixing well with the eggs though, and she feels rumblings in her tummy. Julie munches on a few pretzels and takes a drink to try to settle her stomach down.

The Bartender finally brings Dan his beer and throws down a cocktail napkin to set it on. The napkin slides over the edge of the bar and drops on the floor next to Julie. Dan bends down to pick up the napkin, just as Julie’s tummy lets loose... (Insert your own “Fart Noise” here). Dan’s hair rustles in the breeze. Julie, while taking that drink, turns to apologize as Dan Stands up. He grabs at his collar as if he is tightening a tie and says, “did somebody step on a duck?” Julie starts to laugh, and her drink shoots out of her nose and all over Dan. “At least I have a napkin” Dan says, as he holds it up to show her. Julie grabs him by the arm and quickly rushes him away from the area.

“Trust me, you don’t want to hang around there” she says. Dan turns around to look and sees people at the bar grabbing their drinks and fleeing. “Just look nonchalant” Julie whispers, as she starts to sit down at another table, quite some distance away.

“Wow, that’s quite the weapon you have there, you cleared the bar.” Dan chuckles.

“Hard Boiled Eggs and beer will do it every time” Julie explains, as she begins to laugh. She holds out her hand, “I’m Julie, do I call you Rodney?”

“Dan, but I don’t get any respect either” he says, with his best Dangerfield impression. He raises two fingers in the air, sees the bartender look, then points down at the table. The Bartender gives him a dirty look then, nods at him to acknowledge. “I’m not sure these drinks will be safe to drink.” They watch as the waitress sniffs, makes a face, then, hesitantly walks up to the bar. After a minute, she brings over the drinks and sets them down.

“On the house! because someone nuked the bar” she groans, as she sits the drinks down.

“Cannonball” they both say, in a Carl Spackler voice, as they take a big swig of their drinks.

“So, what’s a girl like you doing in a joint like this” Dan asks in his Bogie voice.

“Like, well, you see, some coworkers, drug me here, like, for a birthday. Not mine!” Julie attempts a valley girl accent.

“Woah! Awesome!” Dan try's a Jeff Spicoli voice. “If I’m here, and you’re here, doesn’t that make it our birthday?”

“What about you? Why are you here? Looking for tasty waves and tasty babes?” Julie responds.

“I’m trying out pickup lines. How’s this one? You must have swallowed magnets, because I find you attractive.”

“That’s terrible! Do pickup lines even work? I mean, If I walked up to you and said, I’d say God bless you, but it looks like he already did! Would you even take me seriously?”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t know. I’m here tonight to get back into the dating game after a long hiatus. My friend Paul convinced me to give it a shot.” Dan looks around to see where Paul is. “He must have left with the leggy brunette” Dan figures. “Do you want to play some pool or darts?” Dan asks.

“Are you going to tell me some story about your balls ending up in the wrong whole?” They both chuckle. “I’m really not any good at either of them. Can you excuse me for a minute?” Julie gets up and walks out the back door to the patio. Seconds later people started flooding in from the patio waving their hand in front of their noses. Several swear words and something died coming from the group. A few seconds later Julie walks back in with a shit eating grin on her face.

“Thanks for not doing that here. I don’t think I’m ready to bail on you yet.”

“We should get out of here. Take me home?” Julie asks.

“Well, you know what they say. Ass, Gas, or Grass, nobody rides for free!” Dan laughs as he says it.

“I’ve already given you gas, I might have grass at my place, and if you play your cards right, you might just get some ass.” Julie slaps her ass, grabs her stomach, then excuses herself to the restroom. Dan walks to the bar, tips the bartender, and asks if he will call a cab. Julie returns with a group of women fleeing the restroom.

“Thats much better. I think it’s all out of me.” Julie rubs her stomach as she speaks.

“Sexier words were never spoken” Dan responds. They walk outside and climb into the cab.

“Oh, I see you had some luck” the driver says. “Where to?”

“819 Riverside” Julie answers. Dan holds Julie’s hand as they drive the few blocks to Julie’s place. After they get out Julie turns to Dan. She gives him a soft slow kiss, then says, “I’ve got something to tell you, but let’s spark up a joint first.” Dan follows her into her apartment and plops down on the couch. Julie grabs a couple of beers and a box from the fridge. She sits down next to Dan and pulls a joint out of the box. She sparks it up and takes a long drag, she passes the blunt to Dan, and Dan takes a long drag. He turns to Julie. “So, what’s this thing you need to tell me?”

“Have you ever slept with a virgin?” She asks quizzically, while holding her breathe in after a drag.

“No. I have only been with a handful of women, but none were virgins. Are you...”

“Yes. I just keep to myself, and I... I... haven’t found...” Dan stops her with a kiss on the lips.

“I would be honored.” Dan holds up his beer to clink with hers. Julie touches hers to his. They both make a clinking sound. They down their beer and Julie lets out a loud belch.

“Booger, Booger, Booger” Dan chants. Julie bows. Julie snuggles up against Dan, pulls him tight, and starts to drive her tongue into his mouth. Dan’s tongue swirls around Julie’s and they lay down together on the couch. Dan reaches up to caress Julie’s breast, moving from right to left then back. Julie reaches down and cups Dan’s ass, pulling his hips tight against her. She starts to rotate her hips to grind on his groin. She can feel the bulge growing in his pants. Dan reaches his hand under her shirt and up to the back of her bra. He pinches his fingers together to unhook the latches one at a time. Julie sits up and pulls her shirt and bra over her head and tossed them across the room to the floor. Dan takes the opportunity to get a good look. They are hefty, D or DD. 3-inch areola with long thick nipples. Light pink, almost hard to see the color change. Her skin is pale white. She must not ever sunbathe. Dan lifts his shirt over his head then leans in and kisses her lips, her cheek, her neck, and down to her nipples. Julie lets out a low moan, then reaches down and starts rubbing his cock through his jeans. After a minute or two Julie stops, stands up and takes Dan by the hand.

“Do you want to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?” Julie asks with a big grin.

“This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy” Dan says as he follows Julie to her bedroom. He starts singing, “I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you, but you were born to rub me first.” Julie kisses him to silence him, then reaches out and opens Dan’s jeans, they drop to the floor. Dan does the same for Julie.

“Okay, I’m a little bit drunk, and a little bit high, and I’m about to take a girl’s cherry. Did I travel back in time? Did I step into the Quantum Accelerator. Sam Beckett realized that a man could travel thru time...” Julie kisses him to shut him up again. Their tongues tangle as they lay down on the bed together. Their bodies entwine as they explore each other's mouth. Hands grab asses and breasts, rub each other's backs and fingers run thru hair. Julie starts to breath heavy.

“I don’t want to pressure you... but...” Dan pauses. Julie looks at him all serious. “Are you sure... you... don’t have gas anymore?” Julie busts out laughing. “I’m sorry, I tell jokes when I get nervous.”

“What are you nervous about? I’m the one about to give up her cherry.”

“I’m about to go down on you, and you had hard boiled eggs all day.” They both laugh... Dan lowers down between Julie’s legs, and she spreads them wide. Dan leans in and kisses her thighs. Then he works his way up to her bush. Neatly trimmed... “Did she plan to lose her virginity tonight” Dan wonders as he kisses lower until he is at her lips. They are slightly swollen and parted. Dan takes one long lick from bottom to top. He stops and sits up. Julie gives him a nervous look. This is the first guy... the only guy... ever to touch her down there.

“This doesn’t taste like cherry! I’ve been gypped. I thought I was going to eat cherry pie!” Julie loses it.

“You shit! I thought something was wrong... I’ve never... God damn you!” Dan laughs. Julie reaches up and pulls his head down to her pussy and rubs his face in it. “Eat me... or I shall unleash the Kraken.” Dan drives his tongue deep inside of her pussy. He wiggles it a little, then licks up until he hits Julie’s clit. She moans loudly. “Oh, Dan... MMMmmm.” Dan licks her clit, then lowers back to her labia, then inside her hole again. Her juices are just flowing out down her ass to the bed. Dan alternates between them. He reaches up to get a feel of Julie’s breast and finds that Julie has both in her hands, pulling and twisting, pinching and squeezing. Dan pauses to wet his middle finger, then inserts it just inside of her wet hole and up. He doesn’t want to bust her hymen just yet. He starts to wiggle his finger to give upward pressure as he flicks his tongue over Julie’s swollen clit. It sticks out about a half inch, and it is hard. The faster he works over her clit the louder she moans. Julie grabs Dan’s head, fistfuls of hair, and starts thrusting her hips up into his face. Dan concentrates on her clit and tries to hold on.

“Oh... Yes!... Dan... You... Are... So... Fucking... Good... MMMmmm” She thrusts her hips forward with every word. “Eat... My... Cunt... OH! YES... Suck My CLIT... YES! YES... Like That... MMMmmm... OH! I’M... CUMMMMMIINNNGGG!” Julie squeezes her legs together tight around Dan’s head. Dan feels the gush of juices flow out over his hand. He feels her legs and hips shake. He hears her muffled moans.

“Damn! You must have needed that. You came harder than anyone I’ve ever done that to.”

“It has been a while since I used my vibrator, I needed batteries, but this is the first time a guy has gone down on me... so, it all felt different, and wonderful, and damn!” Dan starts to pat himself on his back.

“First time huh? A night of firsts for you. What do you want to do next?”

“I think we have another joint.” Julie gets up and walks to the other room. She tries to wiggle her ass as she walks out. Dan piles up the pillows at the headboard and gets comfortable. Julie returns with two cold beers and a lit joint hanging from her mouth. She holds up the beer as if to ask Dan if he wants one.

“Why not? I’m not driving anywhere! Don’t Bogart that joint either.” They lay there in bed together smoking and drinking. Playing footsies, a little. Julie is not really sure how to act, she has never been in bed with a guy. When the joint is done; they both down the rest of their beer.

“Big... Bouncing... Breasts.” Dan says, as he belches.

“Big... Bouncing... BA.” Julie tries but couldn’t get it all out. “How do you do that?”

“Same way you get to Carnegie Hall... practice, practice, practice.” Julie laughs but still thinks it’s stupid.

“That must be how you got so good at eating pussy, not that I have anything to compare it to.”

“Well, it’s not work if you love what you are doing, and... I love doing that! Do you like giving oral?”

“Don’t know. I’ve never tried. Another first... maybe.” Julie reaches down and grabs his cock and licks her lips to tease Dan. She laughs. “Does this taste like sausage or salami?” She starts to stroke him.

“Well, it could taste like pussy. Sometimes it may taste like shit. But if you suck it now, it will taste like used beer.” They both chuckle. “It might taste like rubber if you are not on the pill.” This is Dan’s way of asking.

“I know I’m a virgin but... I have been on the pill for years. It helps to maintain my hormone levels. So, you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. I’m a virgin so I’m clean, STD wise. You?”

“I’m clean. I showered right before going to the bar.” Julie doesn’t laugh. “I haven’t had sex in exactly one year. I, as far as I know, have never had an STD. I had my work checkup a month ago but, I don’t think they check for that.”

“I’ll risk it. Is there anything I should know about you before we...” Julie looks down and blushes.

“Knock Boots? Make the beast with two backs, Go to Pound Town? Do the Brown Chicken Brown Cow?” Giggidy Giggidy?” Dan starts to go into the Three Stooges, “Woop Woop, Meow, Nuck Nuck,” He slaps his forehead like Curly.

“Yes! Fuck, Make Love, Screw, whatever you want to call it. Play hide the Salami.”

“Well, thank you for the comparison, but I am no Salami. Sorry to disappoint. Maybe an uncooked bratwurst.”

“Are you sure it’s not Schnitzengruben? 15 is my limit on Schnitzengruben!” She laughs while saying it.

“Well, if you will excuse me, I’ve got to drain the main vein.” Dan gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom. Julie follows him into the bathroom. Dan lifts the seat then, “excuse me while I whip this out” Dan starts to pee. Julie watches him intently as he looks up and down. He has never been watched before. He has peed in front of Jackie but, she didn’t watch him. When done, Julie reaches over and shakes it for him. Dan backs away from the toilet and Julie lowers the seat. She sits down and starts to pee herself. Dan sticks his head down close and watches her pee.

“Turnabout is fair play. How does that feel having someone watch you pee?”

“Well, if you wanted to watch, we could have gone in the tub, and I could’ve given you a close-up view.” When she finished, Dan grabbed a hand full of tissue and dabbed her dry. Surprisingly his cock was hard. Julie, sitting with his cock at eye level, took that moment to take him into her mouth. She starts to move back and forth on his cock. All of a sudden, she stops, takes him out of her mouth and licks her lips. She looks up with a quizzical look.

“Used Beer!” They both laugh. “Definitely not salami... Definitely!” she tried to do a Rain Man impression.

“Hurry, Twelve minutes to Wapner!” They keep giggling until Julie says, “Ut-Oh! Fart!” Dan started running out of the room. He dives into the bed and buries himself under the covers. Julie walks in.

“What, you wouldn’t take a bullet for me?” She starts to sing, “I--I, I, will always love you—eww!” She continues singing as she pulls the covers off of the bed and throws them on the floor. Dan throws a pillow at her, and she catches it and crawls on the bed to clobber him with it. Her breasts swaying, nipples erect. Dan gets on his knees and swings a pillow back at her. His cock is fully erect, swaying thru the air like Excalibur. They take turns hitting each other with pillows until Dan falls flat on the bed.

“I give... you win.” Dan says holding his hands over his head. Julie climbs on top of him and straddles his waist. She lays down on top of him and they start kissing. Julie rubs her breasts into his chest, as she grinds her pussy down on top of his cock. As they kiss, she wiggles her hips side to side, rubbing his cock across her clit. She starts to moan into Dan’s mouth. Dan moves his hands from her head and neck, down her back, to her ass. He pulls her ass up, then pushes her down onto his cock. His cock slides all the way in. There was no hymen.

“You... said you were a virgin... you don’t...”

“I don’t have a hymen. My vibrator took care of that years ago. You are the first cock inside me though, at least the first one that doesn’t vibrate,” Julie starts to move her hips making Dans cock slide in and out... just a little.

“Well, I only make it vibrate for special occasions.” Dan starts to pump his hips up to drive in a little deeper.

“It’s my first time! Ain’t that special? And do you know who else is special? SATAN!” They both laugh. Julie sits up and braces herself with her arms on Dan’s chest. She starts to rock back and forth on Dan’s cock. Dan stares into her eyes. She smiles at him then closes her eyes. She picks up the pace and starts to pound her ass down on him. She is taking him all the way in and then coming off of him to his tip. Her ass is making a slapping sound with every down thrust. Dan reaches up and plays with her nipples. Pinching and pulling and this sends her over the edge. With one loud...

“OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Julie cums, all over Dan’s cock. “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! MMMMMmmmm! Yes!” She stops moving for a few moments then, starts rocking again slowly.

“That’s two firsts, and two orgasms. Keep going and you can get your first cream pie.” Julie stops.

“My legs are weak. That took away all of my energy. It felt great, but...”

Dan wraps his leg around hers and rolls her over. He is still inside her. She smiles up at him and he starts fucking her hard. He isn’t a fan of missionary but, for her first time... He slips out and drives his cock across her clit. Julie groans. Then starts to moan as Dan continues to assault her clit.

“Oh, Shit. I didn’t mean to do that.” Dan slips his cock back in and continues pounding her hard. Slurping noise from her pussy and slapping noise from their hips fill the room. Julie’s moans drown out both. Dan slips out again but, this time his cock hits her asshole.

“Oh Shit... Sorry. Dan pokes her asshole a few times on purpose before putting it back inside of her.

“MMMMmmmm that was a little exciting. But, for now, my asshole is the only virgin hole I have left.” Dan stops.

“Role over. Get on all fours.” Julie flips over and sticks her ass up in the air. Dan rubs his cock against her clit and her lips, then slides deep inside her.

“Oh, MY GAWD!” Julie in her best Janice from Friends voice. “That is so deep! Fuck Me! Fuck Me Hard! Chandler Bing!” Dan continues to thrust deep inside her as he does his best Joey Impression...

“Whoa! How you doin?” Dan slaps her on her ass, grabs her hips and starts to jackhammer her pussy. He sees waves ripple across her ass with each thrust. He slaps her ass again.

“YES! Spank Me Daddy! Spank my ass. I’m so naughty! Punish me with your cock!” Dan makes a mental note as he smacks her ass again. He leans forward and reaches for her clit but there was a hand there already. He reaches for her swinging titties; he finds one and pinches her nipple hard. He whispers in her ear loud enough to be herd over the moaning and slapping and slurping.

“Okay Pumpkin. Are you ready for Daddy to cum inside you? Are you ready for Daddy to fill you with his seed?” He pinches and pulls hard. Julie loses it again...

“YYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS! OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Her pussy grips his cock hard... Her whole-body shakes. “MMMMMMMMmmmmm OH Yes!” Her juices flow out over Dan’s cock and drips down on the bed, forming a puddle by Dan’s knee. He drives in as deep as he can and starts shooting his cum.

“UUUUNNNNGGG! UNG... UNG... UNG...” He grunts with every spurt. Julie feels him cum inside her and starts to shake again... She is having another orgasm... She starts to thrust back on Dans cock. Her pussy is milking every ounce of cum from his cock. They fall forward together. Dan lays there with his softening cock still inside her.

“That was amazing... Is it like that every time?” Julie asks, as Dan rolls off and lies on his back next to her. He is starting to catch his breath. He kisses her.

“Only with me Pumpkin.” Dan replies, Julie laughs...

“Where did you get Pumpkin from?”

“Father Knows Best. That’s the only show I could think of with a stern father figure.”

“At least you didn’t call me Beaver!” They both laugh hard... almost in tears. “Gee Ward, don’t you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night? I always got the feeling she was sleeping with Wally.” Julie finally catches her breath. She starts to rub her ass where Dan had spanked her.

“Yeah, with Eddie Haskell hiding in the closet. Or better yet standing next to the bed, Gee Mrs. Clever you sure do suck Wally’s cock good. That’s well Eddie.” Dan gets behind Julie and starts to massage her back and shoulders, his soft cock is rubbing on her ass as he leans forward.

“Do you have any siblings? You’re not like most women. You seem to know movie quotes and TV shows a lot. I bet you even know Monty Python.”

“No siblings, but I was very close with my dad. He was in the Army, and we moved a lot. I was always the chubby new girl in every school. I just gave up trying to make friends and learned to enjoy me. When my dad was home, which wasn’t that often, he would take me to the movies a lot, or watch movies on TV when they came on.”

“You and he were close then?” Dan moves the massage down to her feet and calves.

“Yea, until... he didn’t come home.” Dan stops massaging and gives her a hug. “He’s not dead. He just couldn’t take living with my mother anymore so; he takes assignments out of the country.”

“Whew... I thought I put my foot in my mouth there.” Dan continues the massage working further up her thighs.

“Oh, I think I would like to see you try that.” Dan stops massaging and starts to grab his foot. “Not now silly, get back to work.” Dan goes back but higher. He massages her ass cheeks, letting his thumbs slide over her asshole and go down to her cum filled pussy.

“Turn Over.” Julie flips over. Her tits sag down. Dan starts to massage her hands and arms. “What do you do at work?” Dan moves to her neck and chest area. He avoids her nipples but firmly massages her breasts.

“I’m an Analyst. I look over the processes and see if there are any places we can improve. You know work more efficiently, cut costs, and share responsibilities. I like it because I can do it all alone in my office.” Dan moves down to her knees and moves up her thighs. His cock is semi-erect. “What do you do to pass the day?”

“Nothing as exciting as you.” they both laugh. “I work in Building Maintenance. I make sure the boiler works correctly and the electrical is aligned right. You know, when your shit stops working, I’m the guy they call. Well, me and Paul, and a few other guys.” Dan starts to rub her abdomen down to her trimmed bush. He lets his fingers graze her clit as he reaches the bottom then rubs back up in a circle. Julie’s nipples are hard, so is Dan’s cock.

“Thanks for the massage. I think I’m ready for my next first tonight. I’m going to feel you cum down my throat.” Dan lies back down flat on the bed. Julie gets up. Dan a little confused watches Julie walk over to her dresser. She opens the top drawer and pulls out a large fleshy cock.

Dan says in his whiner voice, “Ohhhh, I thought you were going to suck, my cock. What are you going to do with that? Please don’t put that in my butt!”

Julie answers in her whiner voice, “Ohhh, that would be nice, but I’m going to put it in myyyy pussy. I want to cummm toooo!” Julie gets into a 69-position over the top of Dan and reaches back and slowly inserts her fleshy vibrator into her wet pussy. She turns it on low and starts to move it in and out slowly. Dan takes over for her and finds a nice rhythm. Julie starts stroking Dan’s hard cock at the same rhythm. She lets a gob of spit dribble down on her hands to lubricate as she strokes. Her breasts rub against his cock as she starts to rock back and forth increasing the speed and intensity of the vibrator. Dan bumps the vibrator up to medium and picks up the pace as Julie lowers her mouth down over the tip of his cock. She moves her tongue to the sensitive underside and concentrates her attention to it. Dan starts to rub her ass, working his hand down to her puckered asshole. He circles a finger around it as he picks up the pace, thrusting the fleshy vibrating cock all the way to its balls.

“MMMmmm That’s it, Dan. Fuck me!” Dan rotates the vibrator, so it is balls up and leans in to lick her clit. Just as his tongue hits her clit, Julie takes all of Dan into her mouth. She moans on his cock, then gags a little as his tip hits her throat. She starts to bob up and down on his cock, and he starts to suck on her clit, as he slams the vibrator in and out of her wet hole. She can’t help but continually moan on his cock, sending vibrations through his cock down to his balls. Dan purposely starts to hum while he is sucking on her clit. This was all Julie needed, she starts to climax. Juices flow around the vibrating cock and down on to Dan’s face. Her hips shake and her legs get weak. She just sits right on Dan’s chest, shaking! Dan turns off the vibrator and slides it out, after a moment or two, Julie starts sucking again with a fervor. She grabs Dan’s balls and massages, squeezing and pulling, while bobbing up and down. Dan watches her ass shaking, moving back and forth with every bob, her asshole is ripe for the picking. Dan wets a finger and starts to play. Julie moans yes on his cock, as she takes him to her throat over and over. She is preparing her gag reflex to take his hot load. Dan circles her tight butthole then presses. Julie groans as his finger enters past her tight ring. This really excites Dan; he knows this is naughty... wrong on some level... but he has this overwhelming urge to...

“It’s in the hole. Oh, the once greens keeper turned pro...” Julie bites down hard. “Oh, that’s it Pumpkin. I’m going to...” Dan starts to shoot his load. Julie takes him to her throat and lets his cum spurt down her throat. Load after load... she takes the last two shots in her mouth and turns to show him. She saw this in a porn movie once and thought it was hot, so she wants to try it. She opens her mouth to show Dan and the cum starts to dribble out of her mouth and all over Dan’s stomach. She quickly swallows then, shows him her empty mouth. Julie collapses on the bed next to Dan and they snuggle up.

“One more first, one more orgasm. What a night!” Julie tries a Yakoff Smirnoff accent.

“Only a few more firsts and you can turn pro.” Dan chuckles.

“What’s left?” Julie asks, as she rubs his chest.

“Well, there’s Tit Fucking and Anal, Deep Throat, the Dirty Sánchez, Tea Bagging, Dutch Oven, Water Sports...” Julie kisses him to shut him up but, he keeps on talking thru the kiss so, she grabs his balls and squeezes. He stops and kisses back. They kissed for what seemed like hours but was really like ten minutes. Then...

“We can try to check more off the list in the morning...” Julie says, smiling at Dan lovingly. Dan gets up, grabs the covers from the floor, turns out the light, and climbs in next to Julie. He looks at her, smiles an evil smile, farts really loud, pulls the covers over Julie’s head and shouts...

“Dutch Oven!”

How did you think it was going to end?

__________________________________________________________________________________

This was my attempt at humor... with a little bit of sex thrown in. I find that there are a lot of people out there that quote lines from movies and TV. I hear you out there saying, “hey, I resemble that remark!”

I clearly used lines from Caddy Shack, Casablanca, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Valley Girl, Revenge of the Nerds, National Lampoon’s Vacation, Quantum Leap, Clash of the Titans, Family Guy, Rodney Dangerfield, The Three Stooges, Yakoff Smirnoff, Blazing Saddles, Road House, Rain Man, The Bodyguard, Saturday Night Live, Friends, Father Knows Best, and Leave it to Beaver. If you didn’t recognize one of the references, maybe try reading it again.

Any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental. If you have experienced anything I have written here, you should be writing them down. As always, if you enjoy my writing, please vote positive. If you didn’t... well, use your conscious. I appreciate all comments... I think. If you read my stories, you’ll notice I haven’t gotten one yet. Will you be the first? I hope you enjoyed.

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